Lipstick Bitches: 23 March 2008

Friday, March 28, 2008

What Are You Seeing This Weekend?

I really want to see Stop Loss and Run, Fatboy, Run. They both look really good.

The Rice Is Fried In Pork Fat?

That's what Audrina's fake tattoo means. Brilliant. That Ashton. He sure is a comedian.

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Fiercee Awards?

Y'all know I'm all over everything ANTM but the Fiercee Awards? Ugh. Tyra needs to just stop. That being said you know I'm TIVOing that ish as soon as it airs on her show, which will be on April 30th.

Everybody and their mother was there. Mr. J, of course, along with my homegirl Jade and some other bitches from the show.

I Hate Her

Don't get me wrong, I'm usually not jealous of celebrities, but Gisele Bundchen's body is fucking amazing. That and she's banging Tom Brady. That being said, her face is a meh and I would personally call her a butterface. Yes that's mean, but she's banging Tom Brady so why should she care.

Gisele was in Ibiza to help launch the new Vogue Eyewear Play Everyday Campaign. Ugh, she's banging Tom Brady.

I Wonder What They Talk About

Jenna Jameson and Aubrey O'Day were spotted out in Hollywood last night looking rough. Actually Aubrey looks surprisingly cute, but me thinks that has to do with the fact that she's with Jenna Jameson. My dog's week old turd would look hot next to her.

That being said, I love both of their outfits. And Jenna's body seems to be an improvement from what it's been like recently. She looks like she's gaining weight, which is good. Her face on the other hand...

Beauty Tip Of The Day:

Just watch it. It's long but worth it. And damn the man! I love UDPP but that bottle's such a ripoff.

Big Bird Duck

Duck suits better than bird because duck in spanish means pato, which is also a slang word for gay. So there you go. You've learned at least one useful thing today.

Chris Crocker attended the SocialVibe.com's Green Party Benefit last night at Les Deux. How in the hell did he get in? I don't see them letting Tay Zonday in at this event.

More Hills Fakery

Audrina Patridge pretended to get a tattoo yesterday. I mean, come on, is that supposed to even look real? Everybody is guessing that it has to do with Ashton Kutcher's new show, Pop Fiction, where they plant fake stories on the press.

When I got my tat, they bandaged that shit up right away. And it was swollen. And red. Audrina's is neither. Oh, Ashton. You're going to have to try a little harder. The show could be good if they did it the right way. Like the one with Avril and the baby bump. They should have just faked the pregnancy for a couple of weeks and make her a little bigger each time. There's an idea. Wait, is that what's going on with Nicole Kidman?

Please Don't

The writers who wrote the now defunct show Bionic Woman have moved on to fucking up one of my favorite movies, Children Of Men. The movie, which was directed by the amazing Alfonso Cuaron, is based on the book of the same name.

These writers need to stop fucking up amazing things and start coming up with new ideas. That movie is amazing and I highly doubt they could recreate it and much its fabulousness on the small screen.

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Better

Mena Suvari was looking a little better than she has been recently last night at SocialVibe.com's Green Party Benefit. I adore Mena, but that haircut still has to go. It ages her about forty years and that's never a good thing. EVER.

Here's more of Mena and some dude, possibly her boyfriend, at Les Deux.

Besitos Por La Tarde:

That's not George Clooney: Dlisted

More LeBron/Gisele nonsense: YISIAW

I hate Emo kids too: Celebitchy

Obama does The View: Mollygood

She needs to apologise for Marie Antoinette: Celebslam

Just Because: The Beckhams

Victoria and David celebrated David's 100th game with the England team by going out to dinner. And probably having lots of rough sex.

I Need To Get Into This Show

Michelle Trachtenberg is currently on the set of Gossip Girl to film some scenes. Apparently she's going to play a girl who has just gotten back from rehab and will "shake things up". I love Michelle, but what I love even more are her and Blake Lively's outfits.

I know, I'm the only person on the planet who hasn't seen an episode of Gossip Girl. But I really want to watch it from the beginning, so I'll wait until the replay during the summer and get the DVD.

Quote Of The Day:

"I work very hard and I've built this empire on my own. I think this is an inspiration for a lot of girls out there."

-Paris Hilton

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Sucio

Poison drummer Rikki Rocket was arrested at LAX on rape charges. He had a warrant issued from Mississippi, and was taken in by the police in the airport after he got off a flight from New Zealand.

He was taken into custody and booked on a felony fugitive sexual assault warrant.

It's seriously not a good week for old hair metal dudes.

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Noooo! Not Petey!!!

The Sun claims that Pete Doherty is "obsessed" with Scientology. Um, doesn't he know that Scientologists are against drugs. They even hate on the fun doctor prescribed ones.

The rag claims that Pete's new girlfriend (whore!) has introduced him to the ~~cult~~ religion and that he wanted to learn more about what she's into and what she believes, so he went out and bought a bunch of books and talks to her about it all the time. I call bullshit on this story. First of all, there's no way Pete is kicking drugs. Second of all, Pete's not a closet homosexual.

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Another Shitty Movie

Pambela Anderson attended the premiere of the new shitty movie by the people who brought you Scary Movie 3, Superhero Movie. These movies are full of fail and I've decided to blame Pamela Anderson. Granted, she's only been in a couple, but I'm still blaming her. I can if I want to.

P.S.

If Leslie Nielson dies sometime in the upcoming couple of weeks, we know who's to blame.

Here's more of Pambo at the premiere last night in Hollywood. And why is she allowed to wear white?

Upgrade?

Hulk Hogan has already stepped out with his new girlfriend. He's currently getting divorced from his wife Linda. His new girlfriend looks exactly like his daughter actually, which is kind of gross. Ew, can you picture these two in bed together? Ugh.

That being said, I think she's gorgeous.

Here's more of the two at the airport on Tuesday and out and about in L.A. last night.

Video Of The Week:

Everything's Coming Up Roses

Marisa Tomei attended the opening night of Gypsy on Broadway. I think I've mentioned before that I've been obsessed with Natalie Wood, the movie Gypsy, the play Gypsy and the actual Gypsy Rose Lee before. Seriously. If I had one wish, it would be to get impregnated by Johnny Depp. If I got a second wish, it would be to meet both Natalie and Gypsy Rose.

Here's more of Marisa at the opening last night looking fabulous as always.

And here's Natalie as Gypsy.

Kate Walsh For Sex...Education

Kate Walsh was in Washington along with Planned Parenthood for a congressional briefing to "Stand Up For Real Sex Education". I'm all for sex and sex education. My sex education consisted of a woman telling us her son was morally pure for waiting and wasn't even alone in a room with his girlfriend before they were married. She also said this is why he never got herpes, and then proceeded to show us the slides.

She also made us swear we'd wait for marriage to get dirty. If we promised to wait, she would give us a mint. I took the mint. What? I wanted minty fresh breath for when I gave my boyfriend oral later that day.

I was actually student assistant in that class as a senior and that lady came in again. The teacher hated her, but she had to use her because the school said so. Even she knew that shit was a joke.

New X-Files Poster

The poster is pretty sweet but I'm not excited in this in the least. I didn't see an episode of the show and I also didn't see the last movie. So one can assume I'm out of the loop on this one. Is anybody here excited about it?

Picture Of The Day:

I Don't See The Resemblance

Lindsay Lohan has finally landed a job! She's set to star in a new movie about Charles Manson's bitches, called Manson's Girls. She has signed on for the role of Nancy Pitman, one of Manson's biggest followers.

Nancy grew up wealthy and was introduced to Manson by a friend. She was with him the night he sent people to kill Sharon Tate and her friends. Nancy later became a member of the Aryan Brotherhood and spent some time in jail. Charmer, isn't she?

The movie is set to start filming later this year.

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Sloppy Seconds

And when I say sloppy, I mean sloppy. Sophie Monk, who used to bang and was actually engaged to Benji Madden is now dating Alex Vaggo, the pizza boy who used to bang Paris Hilton, who is now banging Benji Madden, who used to bang Sophie Monk, who is now banging Alex Vag... sorry. It's a nasty ass herpes infested circle of skank.

That being said, the uglier of the couple is together now. Alex is a million times hotter than Benji, and Sophie is gorgeous. Upgrades all around, I guess. Or at least for these two. They were spotted leaving S Bar in Hollywood on Tuesday.

Hot Tranny Mess

Christian Siriano and Nina Garcia are going to be appearing on Ugly Betty for sweeps this upcoming May. Fierce! They should totally think about a Christian/Marc hookup. Marc's boyfriend is boring.

I'm totally missing Ugly Betty. Mostly I miss Amanda and Marc. I can't wait for this.

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New Vanessa Paradis Video

I know nothing of Vanessa's music and actually am surprised that it's quite good. But the reason I'm posting it is because Johnny Depp is in it. Sure, you can't see his face or any body part for that matter, but still. He's in it. And it's rumored that he directed it as well.

Madonna Does Vanity Fair

Well, at least she's not spreading her legs for this cover. Thoughts? I think she looks good.

I Think I'm In Love

This gorgeous beauty has come out as another one of Eliot Spitzers hookers. Isn't she classy? Ugh, I love her. And the fact that I believe she was a man at some point in her life makes me love her even more.

Song Of The Day:

El Profe by Miranda! The song can be found on their album, Sin Restricciones.

Besitos Por La Manana:

Diamonds are still a girls best friend: Wendy Brandes Jewelery

Who you gonna call?: SICK.

Daily fashion report: Mahalo Fashion

Oh, to be a journalist: Secretista

Get Ashlee's cute look: Lookbook

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Will Someone Please Keep Her Inside?

Amy Winehouse tried to visit her beloved Blake incarcerated yesterday, but was denied. No, she wasn't denied for her scabby face, it was because she got there too late. Yes, that was mean, but come on. That shit is out of control. And her caking on the makeup isn't helping.

That being said, who knew she was good at arts and crafts! I want a Blake heart pin for my own.

They're Totally Lezzing It Out

Kate Bosworth and Helena Christensen are totally lezzy in love for each other. Helena's gorgeous enough for the two of them, in my opinion. Wait a minute. She went from Josh Hartnett to Kate Bosworth. Didn't Kate cheat on Orlando Bloom with Josh Hartnett? Yeah, they're totally banging.

Here's more of Kate and Helena at the after party for the NYC screening of 21.

Britney's Dream Home

The grossest part about it is that my mom said that is also her dream living room and she would eat her way out of it in a couple of months.

VIA Dlisted