Saturday, September 22, 2007

It's been a rough week for Britney Spears. First she almost loses custody of her two sons. She also isn't allowed to drink or do drugs anymore. The drug stressed that she has a problem and she will now be drug tested twice a week to make sure she stays sober.

But it just got worse for her.

Early Friday citations were issued to Britney for a hit and run accident that she caused which was caught on camera. Britney, while trying to get out of a parking spce, hit a parked car and didn't leave a note for the owner. The owner contacted the L.A.P.D. and now Brit-tit's in real trouble, since she apparently didn't even have a license.

Britney could spend up to six months in jail. She won't, of course, but still, it's a possibility. Hopefully she gets that hot slut of a judge from Paris's case and not the ones who presided over Nicole and Lindsay's cases.

Now, according to sources, Britney's going to go back to rehab. Publicity stunt! I'm sorry, but she needs a good kick in the ass. Obviously the very real possibility of having her children taken away from her isn't straightening her out then maybe jail would be good for her.

But if she heads to rehab, there won't be jail time for her, trust. Judges love that shit. If she does go to rehab, hopefully she takes this stint seriously and realizes that it's a good thing for her to go.

George Clooney and his girlfriend were in a motorcycle accident on Friday afternoon. Both sustained minor injuries, Clooney with a hairline fracture of a rib and his new girlfriend, Sarah Larson, with a broken foot and scratches on her face.

The other driver apparently clipped George's bike while making an illegal turn, but the driver says that it waqs George who was swerving in between the lanes.

Bitch fight! I smell a lawsuit.

Robert Rodriguez has proposed to the woman he left his wife of sixteen years for, Rose McGowan. Congrats to the happy couple, I guess.

P.S. - I refuse to post new pictures of Rose's rapidly melting face. I prefer to always picture her as the beauty she was.

Marcia Brady aka Maureen McCormick is writing a book and in order to sell that book she needs a hook. A scandal, if you will. And boy is her scandal a big one!

Maureen claims that she and her costar Eve Plumb, who played her little sister Jan, were lezzing it up while on set.

A "source" told the National Enquirer,
"The most explosive comments will be how the then-blonde, blue-eyed cutie developed a crush on Eve Plumb, which led to some sexual play. This book will certainly come as a shocker. While Maureen is not a lesbian, she reveals there were some sexual hijinks going on behind the scenes. It's bizarre because she played such a virginal character on the show."

By "souce" I mean Maureen herself. You know bitch leaked that shit herself to build hype. I mean in all honesty, without the lezbot details, who would actually want to read a book about Marcia Brady?

OMG remember in The Brady Bunch movie sequal where Marcia and Greg make out and shit?

Jordan and Peter Andre sleazed up the backseat of a car Thursday night while they were out on the town, painting the town vomit green.

E! totally needs to do another reality show with them A.S.A.P.

If you want to know some rumors and spoilers and see some pics about the upcoming Sex and the City movie, read after the jump!

Ok, so Big and Carrie are house hunting because they've finally made a real commitment to eachother...or so she thinks.

Charlotte is mega pregnant and apparently saw Big and another woman eating together and she freaks out. While she's freaking out Big tries to calm her down and then she goes into labor.

I like Charlotte getting pregnant, I liked Charlotte, but isn't the whole Big seeing other women thing soooooo old hat for SATC?

I still can't wait for the movie!

Not Guilty?

Pablo Montero pleads not guilty on drug posession charges. The troubled Mexican actor was stopped speeding in Miami last month. He was arrested for driving without a license and told the police that he had cocain on him which he was intending to use.

Ugh, so if you admit to it first and then you plead not guilty, who are you getting off? No, not like that, bitches, I mean pull an O.J. He'll probably just go to rehab and cry to the judge like all of these HOllywood people do.

Jello's mom was asked if Jennifer was actually pregnant and she responded:

"I didn't hear about it. You know more than I do. I don't talk to her very often. I don't see her often."

Harsh! She apparently isn't really close to Jennifer anymore. Some people are even going as far as to blame i on her marriage to Marc Anthony. Her mother didn't approve of him at all. Scandal! Could it be that I actually feel bad for Jennifer? I mean, I understand as a mother it must hurt when your child doesn't necessarily do the "right thing" but you should really support and be there for them no matter what. But then again who knows the real story here.

In other Jello news, her DIVA attitude has reached across the pond. Read her demands after the jump!

First of all, that's not as bad as I thought. Shit, if that was me I would've requested a whole lot more booze and porn. And some Goldfish crackers for Llora. She loves it when you throw them and she can catch them in her mouth. Or maybe I love that. The line blurs a lot.

Salma Hayek has given birth to a baby girl earlier today! Congrats Chi-chi's!

Her baby daughter's name is Valentina Paloma Pinault-Hayek. Damn right I added her maternal last name, that's how we do it in Latino America.

Food for thought: Her daughter's middle name means pigeon in Spanish. Ew, pigeons are rats with wings.

Charlotte Church has finally given birth to a baby girl,even though she was told the baby was going to be a boy. This is the first kid for Charlotte and her loser boyfriend, Gavin Henson. Congrats Char! This makes me want to watch that video of Amy on Charlotte's show. Damn that was classic.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Jodie Kidd, who has recently been accused of being on the cocaina, is starting to lose her campaigns and feel the backlash for her behavior. Jodie was at a club one night when one of her guests was sexually harassing a female patron. When she went to complain about the guy, Jodie screamed,
"Who the f*** do you think you are?

"That man is a friend of mine and he can do what he wants. This is my event and you'd do f***ing well to remember that."

Bitch! Later in the evening she was seen stumbling out of a bathroom with a guy. Sniff, sniff.

Isn't this the same thing that happened with Kate Moss a couple of years ago? OMG she should totally start dating Pete Doherty.

ANTM Videos!

Guess what time it is, bitches!!!

I'm going to be doing a weekly review of ANTM so check it out and let me know what you think.....

It’s ANTM Cycle 9!

Alright, before we move ahead with this season, I just have to say, Where’s Adrianne? Adrianne Curry, winner of the first season of ANTM, isn’t anywhere in the intro. It's been like that for a while but since this is my first ANTM review, I wanted to bring it up. That’s bullshit that she’s not there. So what if she pissed Tyra off, that doesn’t take away the fact that she won.

Ok, I’m done.

This year it’s all about being “role models” aka all the bitches have major problems and shit to overcome. How many girls cry in the second episode? I’m guessing 9 of them.

Anyways, this season is a little different in that the interviewing is going to be held on a cruise ship. Tyra packs up all the wigs and ships all the girls off to a cruise ship!

Most of the girls were way broke-down this season, but I have to say I fell in love. Meet Spontaniouse:

Sadly, Spontaniouse didn’t make the cut. God is punishing her for being born to parents who didn’t know how to spell spontaneous.

Spontaniouse and the rest of the shrieking pack (all they do is scream and yell this year) get on the boat and are surprised to find Miss J on deck, who makes them walk the “runway” with life jackets on.

This is high fashion, people.

Most of the girls were horrible especially my FTW (for the win) girl, Heather. Ok, I know Heather’s slow and has a serious syndrome, but that doesn’t mean she should walk like a hippo with diarrhea! Scratch that, those hippos from Fantasia were fierce.

After the walk the girls got to meet each other and over breakfast the next morning they were treated to a performance by Miss J in drag:

Ugh, she wishes she looked like Miss J in drag. Miss J has way better legs.

Ever since the fifth or sixth season, all these bitches scream and freak the fuck out when Tyra comes into the room. I can picture one of the P.A.’s on set, “Alright girls, Tyra’s coming in, now SCREAM!!!” Why do they do that? It’s so freaking annoying. I mean, she’s not Jordan. Jordan’ll give you something to scream about.

One by one all of the girls came in to meet Tyra and her bitches.

Those twinkling lights in the background were so freaking cheesy. Ugh, they reminded me of bad proms in the 80’s. I’ll only recap the girls who actually got on the show because those other bitches don’t matter. Except for Spontaniouse.

First came Ambreal:

First of all, that outfit needs to die a horrible death. If I was Tyra, I’d rip those things off her legs. I hate outfits like this. Like remember how the skirt/pant combo came out a few years ago. OMG and the Skorts! Ugh, I’m done.

Next up was Chantal:

BORING! The hair’s horrible but they’ll take care of that. Her neck is way too long for her tiny head. Hopefully they don’t cut her hair short or shave it off like they do to make those girls cry on that show.


Heather has been my favorite since the model photos were first released. She has an amazing look. She’s a tad awkward (she has Asperger Syndrome, which is a mild form of autism) and can’t walk to save her life, but I love her. She makes my cold heart melt.


Saleisha was part of the T-Zone camp Tyra has going on. First of all, Mariah came out with the camp for kids first so Tyra better step. Shit, Mimi did it first and better. Second of all Tyra must feel damn old if the girls she “brought up” at the T-Zone camp are all grown up. Fuck, that makes me feel old too. Damnit.


First of all, NO. Second of all, HELL NO. Ugh, she doesn’t even “want it”. It’s cool to not “want it” if you’re amazing (hello, A.J. cycle 7) but ugh, her? NOOOOO.


Janet is a “kitty-kat” waxer from Georgia. Janet has an amazing body (a little too buff, imho) but this is why I love Janet:

I love Miss J:


Mila has greasy hair. Mila needs to work on her jiggly ass. Mila is a no for me. Mila will cry at least once by the third episode.

We interrupt this program to bring you this:


And then there’s this:

We conclude this announcement and return to the scheduled program.


Jenah freaks me the fuck out. She reminds me of Chucky. No, I don’t want to play, bitch. But aside from that Jenah brings us the quote of the episode!!!!

“I am beautiful. And I’m smart. I know stuff; I read books.”


What the fuck kind of bullshit was that? Ugh, I hate when these hoes try to be funny by doing something goofy/stupid/NOT FUNNY. Sarah’s too lazy to lose the extra weight so she decided to put herself in the “plus size” category, even though she’s only a size 10. What the fuck ever, bitch, lose the weight and then model. I have nothing against being plus sized or plus size modeling, but SHE’S NOT PLUS SIZE! Remember in season 4 when Keenyah put on weight and Tyra kept calling her out on it? My how things have changed now that Tyra’s a “plus size”.


I looooove Lisa. I think her and Heather are my two faves. Plus she’s a stripper. Everybody loves a stripper. Lisa showed the world how good of a stripper she was when she gave Saleisha a lapdance:

And what did Spontaniouse have to say about that?:


Bianca’s cool. The purple hair has to go but she seems ok. Not too boring but not to insane.


Yeah, we don’t know why you’re there either. Kimberly looks like she’s going to take great pictures but she has nooooooo real personality. Damnit, I’ve been watching way too much ANTM.


Ugh, the resident bitch, hiding her insecurity and pain behind a wall of bitchyness. Ebony can walk, I give her that, but I don’t see her taking amazing pictures. But she’s great TV!

After all of the interviews the girls are taken to the beach where they meet up with:

Surprise, surprise! Jaslene, the winner of cycle 8, happens to be on the beach shooting and proves to the girls she’s not a tranny:

The girls take all of their pictures and head back to the boat but not all of them are allowed on. Thirteen of the girls get left behind on the island because Tyra doesn’t need them anymore.

But look who did make it on…:

Why does that look like a mugshot to me?

After the cut, Tyra listens to the girls tell her why they should be America's next top model. Let the crying begin! I feel like making a t-shirt that says, Pretty People Have Feelings Too!

Miss and Mr. Jay plus Tyra sit down to discuss who will make the final cut and move into the house. Tyra then gets all the girls together, like seasons before, and calls out the girls who make it to the house. Sadly, these two weren’t picked:


And that was the season premiere of ANTM: Cycle 9. Who wants to take bets on who cries first in the next episode?

For another seriously hilarious review of ANTM check out Four Four.