Saturday, March 22, 2008

Tyra brings the funny in this episode. Actually, she just does/says shit to make us laugh at her, not with her.

The episode starts off with a fabulous punny by Tyra calling Amis Aim-less. Oh, Tyra! This is why I love you. Well, it’s more like why I love to make fun of you, but it’s the same thing, really.

The girls head back to the house after judging where Fatima, in all her delusion, claims that it was absolutely shocking that she was in the bottom two because she thought she was doing really well. Really? Bitch is delusional.

Dominique needs to stop talking in third person because although Dominique can go on for days about how much Dominique believes in Dominique, Cristina and most of the rest of ANTM’s viewing audience want to stab their televisions or ear drums when Dominique starts talking about, well, Dominique.

Marvita also talks about how she doesn’t do the lovey dovey holding hands and kissing stuff. Oh, so she’s a butch lesbian. Duh.

And it’s time for the quote of the week!!

Whitney asked Stacy Ann if she wanted some of her banana bread, to which Stacy Ann responded:

“No, cause I don’t want to get fat like you.”

I still love her. Yes she made an ignorant/hilarious comment about Whitney being fat, she said it with love in her heart. Or at least she sounded like an idiot which makes me love her regardless.

The girls get a Tyra Mail telling them that they’re going to be posing or some shit. I honestly can’t concentrate during Tyra Mails this cycle. Actually, I pretty much ignored Tyra Mails throughout the previous cycles, but since they didn’t annoy me into bashing my head against the desk like this cycle, I was able to manage.

The next day, the girls meet up with Benny Ninja and Vendela.

Um, first of all, bitch, you did not invent the Vogue.

The Vogue, was actually invented in the 1930’s in Harlem. It gained a following in the mid 80’s because of a film called Paris Is Burning, which was then popularized by Madonna’s song. So fuck you, Benny Ninja. He’s so freaking annoying. Ugh. I know I should be taking my rage out on Dominique since she’s the idiotic one who said he was “the inventor of the vogue” but Benny Ninja is annoying enough for me to direct my hatred towards.

Anyways, Benny tells the girls about the three C’s in fasion, Catalogue, Commercial, Couture. He, along with supermodel Vendela, proceed to couch the girls in the three C’s.

She totally does look like Anna Nicole. It's a blonde plus-size model from the south thing.

Marvita is golden in this episode. I know I’m usually annoyed by her, but her clueless-ness is endearing. I like that in a woman:

After the “lesson” the girls get back to the house and are on the phone. Apparently there’s a phone list where they have to use the phone at certain times.

Dominique misses her phone time and blames Whitney. I don’t understand why they even pay any attention to Dominique. She’s fucking nuts. Dominique speaks in third person. Come on.

Dominique and Whitney end up arguing where Whitney tells Dom-Dom (That’s what I’m calling her because it sounds like Dumb-Dumb) she has no education and Dom-Dom tells Whitney she’s racist.

Hold up, queue in the “serious” music, someone’s been called a racist!

Oh, by the way, Marvita is totally trying to get into Katarzyna’s panties.

And now it’s time for the second quote of the week!

I picked two because this gem was too good to pass up

“Excuse me! I’m racist! Are you kidding me!? Are you kidding me? My best friend is black!”

Awe, I love it when people counter a racist argument when they bring up a black friend. Or cousin.

That being said, I don’t think Whitney’s racist. Or at least she didn’t say anything racial in the argument. It was mostly about Dom-Dom being an idiot, which I wholeheartedly agree with.

They’re totally lezzing it up for each other. Well, is it really lezzing it up when the other person looks like a dude?

The argument is squashed by Dom-Dom telling Whitney she looks like she’s 40. Really, Dom-Dom? Even if she did look forty, she’d still look about twenty-five years younger than you.

The next day, the girls head over to Brooklyn where they’re placed in teams to have a voguing competition. This is the gayest “battle” I’ve seen since Michael Jackson’s Bad video.

The queens should’ve so recruited Dom-Dom to their tribe.

Seriously, Dom-Dom finally said one correct thing all cycle. She does fit in with the queens.

Dom-Dom went first up against Claire. They tied their round and Marvita made the hilarious assessment that Dominique did well in the challenge because she’s “kind of like a drag queen”.

Oh, Marvita. How I love thee. You calling Dom-Dom a drag queen is like a tranny telling a drag queen she looks a little like a man.

Neither one of these chicks got it right, in my opinion.

Awe, they put Anya up against Stacy Ann? It was like battle of the dumb blondes.

I love Katarzyna, but Aimee so did better than she did.

The winning team was Team B, which included Katarzyna, Marvita, Whitney, Stacy Ann and the best of the group, Claire.

The girls got to get some free junk from a swag tent and Claire got an additional trip to Bora Bora. Lucky bitch.

Whitney got a little pissy because she was “a plus-size girl doing splits” Bitch, this is a plus size girl doing a split:

You’re just a “not ridiculously skinny girl” doing a split.

The girls get home from their swag trip and Marvita starts acting up with Lauren. You know, tipping a forty in her mouth. Did I mention that I’m totally falling in love with her. She’s fucking hilarious.

Fatima, on the other hand, is not pleased. She thinks Marvita isn’t here to be a real model and that she’s too ghetto. What in the hell is wrong with ghetto? Or hood?

And none of the girls are actually in the house to become models. If they wanted to be models, they wouldn’t go on a reality show.

Marvita starts to complain a bit about how she thinks she’s too ghetto for the competition (which is an obvious dub) and that she doesn’t know what she’s doing there.

The girls then get a Tyra Mail telling that they’re probably going to be nekid in coats. Actually, that’s not what they said but that’s how Marvita translated it so that’s what I’m going with. I totally should have made it quote of the week. I’ll probably turn it into my ringtone.

You know she was completely hoping that they’d get naked. Party time!!!

When they arrive at the photo shoot, much to Marvita’s dismay, they find out that they’re going to be splattered in neon semen paint. You know I had to take that easy shot, right?

Mr. J gives Marvita hints about practicing instead of sitting in the corner and sulking. He should’ve just left her alone. You know she was just pissed that they weren’t nekid. Or nekid in coats.

Why in the fuck do they get the hottest photographers? I’d totally bang them all, including Nigel, if I were on the show.

She totally does look like Anna Nicole:

It's not a bad thing. Not unless you get bloated and crazy. And then it becomes fun.

After the shoot the girls go home and discuss about the shoot, as they always do. Dom-Dom goes on about some bullshit and Marvita is scared she’s going home. The night was capped off with Marvita and Katarzyna totally banging in the bathroom. I wonder if they locked the door.

It's judging time! Let’s fast forward to a highlight this week.

Fatima doesn’t shave her underarm hair. How in the hell does she think she can model with hairy armpits. Ugh, so wrong.

And moving onto one of the funniest moments in judging. Lauren got her shoes stolen. Well, she actually said they were missing. After revealing they were a size ten, the whole panel unanimously agreed that a queen stole her shoes:

As for as the pictures go, I think Aimee did the best. She’s still boring as all hell. Which is why she was probably called so late.

And Tyra better stop hating on my girl Katarzyna. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t gotten her name right yet. I’d totally try to correct her if I were Kat. Sure it’d probably get cut and she’d get eliminated for being “prickly” but still. It’d be worth it.

In the end it was between Marvita and Whitney

with Marvita, my favorite ghetto hood rat with a mullet, going home.

Just when I started liking her, she goes home. Sigh.