Courts in Austria have denied a petition to make Mathew Heisl Pan, a chimp, legally declared a human being. Thank god for smart judges. If only we had a few more in the U.S....

The chimp belongs to a shelter which had to file bankruptcy protection earlier this year and although donations have tried to be made, only people in Austria are allowed to accept gifts. Animal activists fear that the chimp might be sold out of the country where he's now protected by strict animal cruelty laws.

Uh no. No, no no. I'm sorry, send the chimp to Jane Goodall or something, you cannot declare an animal a person. I understand people want to help out but let's not be ridiculous about things. People do not sit in fake trees and throw poo at other people.

Source