Marky Mark Wahlberg's going to get married. My childhood dreams of becoming his lady are now shattered! Mark says that he's finally ready to marry his baby mama Rhea Durham next year.

"She wants to wait until after the baby. We’ve been very fortunate. We’ve waited and worked hard to really strengthen our relationship. We want it right.

"We’re ready. I’m ready. She’s been ready, but I think you know, we both come from broken homes and we want to succeed."

Damnit! Well, at least there's still Johnny Depp to hold out for. Sigh.

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Adriana Lima, one of my all-time favorite girl-crushes, is engaged! Her publicist announced that Adriana got engaged to her boyfriend of 9 months, basketball star Marko Jaric. Now, you may be wondering why I've labeled this a downgrade. Well, it's because she used to date this:


and although Marko is kind of hot,


he's not Lenny Kravitz hot. Here's more of Adriana out and about in NYC yesterday.



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I’m thrilled that the California supreme court overturned the ban on gay marriage. I can’t wait to get married. We all deserve the same rights, and I believe that someday we’ll look back on this and not allowing gays to marry will seem as absurd as not allowing women to vote.

P.S. I’m registered at Crate & Barrel.

-Ellen DeGeneres

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Mariah is officially Mariah Cannon. Well, at least she doesn't have to change her initials. Mimi and Nick Cannon have gotten married, according to Linda Cannon, a family member of Nick's.

"He called us and told us all about it. We are happy for him. If that is what he wants then we are happy for him."

Apparently the two, who have been dating for a month, got married in the Bahamas at Mariah's new house. The next question needs to be if she got married with that Hello Kitty bandage she's been sporting for the past couple of weeks. Fuck that, ten bucks she got married in a Helly Kitty swarovski crystal wedding dress.

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Or whatever the hell that Ashton Kutcher show is called? Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have reportedly gotten married, according to Latina.com. I don't believe it. Sure, Mimi is batshit crazy but getting married? If this is true, I bet they end this mess in anullment. Or they need to get this crazy train on Divorce Court, like Gary Coleman.

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"After 10 years of living as an “almost married” couple, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis plan to make it official. Life & Style reports the couple, who already have two children together, will marry this summer."

I wake up. It's a beautiful morning. I walk the dog. Walk to the bank. Eat some Cape Cod kettle chips. Drink some water. Turn on the computer. And find that bullshit in my inbox. Thanks mom.

Ugh, why! I don't believe it. Ok, yes, part of that is denial. But weren't they supposed to get married last summer and that never happened. So there is hope, after all.

Apparently they're getting married in Georgia so Johnny's family in Florida can attend the wedding. By family, I hope he means me. Because being the mother of his future children, I'd pretty much say that's family.

Anyone want to take a roadtrip with me this summer?

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If I had a nickle for every single time a tabloid posted Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt engagement/marriage rumors, I wouldn't be sitting here at the moment. I'd be on a beach somewhere getting pregnant with Johnny Depp's baby. Oh wait, that's the other fantasy. Y'all know what I'm saying.

I pretty much doubt these two will ever get married. You know Brad wants to but we all know that Angie wears the pants in that situation.

Pamela Anderson has officially filed for divorce from her husband of less than three months, Rick Salomon. Hey, it lasted a month longer than I predicted so that's saying something, right? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

I'm guessing that reality show that these two ex lovebirds were planning is no more. That sucks, that trainwreck would've been entertaining.

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Pamela Anderson filed for divorce from her third husband on Friday, only to "take it back" hours later and chaulk it up to saying that they were going to work on their marriage. Um, I don't know about y'all but this story reaks of publicity stunt. I mean, it's Pambo for christsakes. Didn't they just announce that they were getting their own reality show?

Pamela and Rick are now going to work through their problems (on national television). They have been married for a total of two and a half months.

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French Model Alexandra Paressant claims that she and Tony Parker had an affair two months after he got married to Eva Longoria. She tells X17 that they met at Eva and Tony's wedding and that he wasn't happy in his marriage. Alexandra attended the wedding with French soccer player, Thierry Henry. She met Tony there and they started a physical relationship.

"We had room service. He said that Eva sexually speaking does not want to do certain things. She do [sic] not want to make love in front of a mirror, does not like certain position [sic] and thinks that sperm gives acne,"

HAAAHAHAHAH. Sperm causes acne? Seriously? I've never heard of that. Ok, does she mean when it's on the face or injested. I should stop, I know, but come on. That shit is hilarious. I love this bitch. I'm calling it an upgrade. I mean, Eva's cute and all but Alexandra is a Victoria's Secret model. Come on.

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Linda "Hogan" Bollea has filed for divorce from Terry "Hulk Hogan" Bollea. She filed the papers last Wednesday and didn't even bother to tell her husband. Some speculate that the marriage has been over for a while now and that could be true, because when contacted by a Florida newspaper, Hulk didn't know anything about the divorce. He is now asking that people give his family some privacy.

"Please respect my family's privacy at this time with all that we have been through. I care for my wife and my children are my world and I just hope this all works out."

Oh, bullshit. I smell a publicity stunt here. Have you watched their show? It makes The Hills look like a real reality show. I'm guessing they want to fan the heat away from their underage drinking son who got his license suspended. Or they want more publicity so their show can get picked up while they work through it.

I'm sorry, but when you invite cameras into your home to detail pretty much every moment of your lives to help further your daughter's singing career, than you're going to be talked about in the good times and the bad. Deal with it.

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"After the divorce I wanted to die. I was ready to kill myself. I was not taking care of myself at all. I would wake up and cry and vomit."

-Ryan Phillippe, on how the divorce from Reese Witherspoon affected him.

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Ellen Pompeo has finally gotten married to Chris Ivery. The two have been engaged forever and together for even longer. The couple are said to have gotten married at NY City Hall with Mayor Bloomberg as witness. Congrats to the happy couple!

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Heidi Klum fell in love with Seal because he has a huge cock. True story. Heidi was on Oprah and talked about how she met him in a hotel and saw him in bicycle shorts and was bedazzled by the package.

"I met him in a hotel lobby in New York City and he came in just from the gym and I was sitting there and I was, like, wow. And I pretty much saw everything. The whole package."

Brilliant. Something I totally didn't want to know. Heidi and Seal will also be seen possibly singing together at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show which will be airing December 4th at 10:00 p.m. on CBS. A source tells Us magazine that there's a good chance they're going to perform Wedding Day, their duet on Seal's upcoming album.

"Heidi may do a duet with Seal. She has a great voice and they sing at home all the time. It's looking like it's going to happen."

Yeah, no. Ugh, please don't let this turn into Fair Game.

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Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson have finally signed off on divorce papers after Chris filed last year amidst rumors that Kate was dating Owen Wilson. The couple were married for almost six years and have a son, Ryder, who is almost four years old.

It took them long enough. People have gotten married and divorced in the time it took them to sign divorce papers. Kate has already broken up with both Owen Wilson and Dax Shepard.

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Beyonce's baby sis, Solange is no longer together with her husband/baby daddy. Shocking.

In an interview with Essence.com, Solange comes clean about her marriage.

Well, I am no longer married, but I think it’s very important not to dish details. We are friends and we coparent our son. When he gets older I don’t want him to read anything about me saying anything about his father or vice versa. When there’s a child involved I think the less information given is best.

Is that an F-list celebrity not bashing their ex? Wow, she took the high road. How very un-hollywood of her. I love Solange way more than I love Beyonce. She seems like the smarter of the two sisters. Sure, she can be mental, but that's what's fun about her.

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Amy Winehouse's friends are trying to get her to break it off with her husband, Blake.

According to a source, Blake left Amy's side at the hospital during the weekend she OD'd. Apparently Blake needed a fix so he went to get high.

Who knows whether this is true or not but they both need help, cause we all know crackheads never leave each other.

BOBBYYYYY!

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Rick Salomon (Paris Hilton's ex sex tape partner) and Pamela Anderson (resident blonde bimbo) have gotten a marriage license in Las Vegas.

Wasn't this whore just married to Kid Rock like a second ago? Is she trying to be the low-rent Liz Taylor? NEVER. Liz has class.

According to Pam the two have known each other for fifteen years. Pam's been married to Kid Rock and Tommy Lee and Rick was married to Shannon Doherty.

Eww. The sheets. I would go on strike, if I were her maid.

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Elizabeth Taylor is not getting married. NoooOOOOOOooooo!