Fug boyfriend. I'm sorry, that was mean, but the Maddens never did it for me. At least it looks like he bathed, which is somewhat of an upgrade. Nicole, on the other hand, looks gorgeous, as usual.

Here's more of Nicole Richie at Cartier's Third Annual Loveday Celebration yesterday.

According to, well, CariDee herself, she is now dating Tyson Beckford. You know, the Tyson Beckford from that other modeling show. The guy who seems like a total douchebag? Yeah, him.

Apparently she's into the douchebag because her last boyfriend stole $10,000 from her and blew it in Vegas.

“He went into my bank account, took all that money and went to Las Vegas and spent it,” she said. “We’re over.”

I'm guessing it's this guy:

since that's the only guy she's really been pictured with.

I give her and Tyson fourteen weeks. That number just popped into my head.

Source

Chris Crocker has a boyfriend? For reals or is it just a guy he hired to walk around L.A. with. I'm guessing the latter. What? The dude's a porn star.

Here's more of Chris and her porn star beau shopping in L.A.

Source

Boring Conrad stepped out with a new guy last night after the Absolut party. He looks like a douche, which means I'm secretly attracted to him. Actually not, I'm not into blondes. He looks like a cleaner version of her ex, Jason. He's still a downgrade from Brody, though.

Hulk Hogan has already stepped out with his new girlfriend. He's currently getting divorced from his wife Linda. His new girlfriend looks exactly like his daughter actually, which is kind of gross. Ew, can you picture these two in bed together? Ugh.

That being said, I think she's gorgeous.

Here's more of the two at the airport on Tuesday and out and about in L.A. last night.

And when I say sloppy, I mean sloppy. Sophie Monk, who used to bang and was actually engaged to Benji Madden is now dating Alex Vaggo, the pizza boy who used to bang Paris Hilton, who is now banging Benji Madden, who used to bang Sophie Monk, who is now banging Alex Vag... sorry. It's a nasty ass herpes infested circle of skank.

That being said, the uglier of the couple is together now. Alex is a million times hotter than Benji, and Sophie is gorgeous. Upgrades all around, I guess. Or at least for these two. They were spotted leaving S Bar in Hollywood on Tuesday.

I know nothing of Vanessa's music and actually am surprised that it's quite good. But the reason I'm posting it is because Johnny Depp is in it. Sure, you can't see his face or any body part for that matter, but still. He's in it. And it's rumored that he directed it as well.

Girlfriend is looking rough. And Jessica actually looks pretty cute here. I will admit, though, that makeup does wonders and photoshop works miracles.

Jessica Alba and her bitch babydaddy Cash Warren celebrated someone's birthday party in L.A. last week. I still find it amazing that these two are still together.

I'm ok with people being whores because, well, I'm a whore, but Kat Von D is ridiculous. It's not even fucking around, she literally falls in love every couple of weeks. Wasn't she just completely in love with Steve O? And now she and Nikki Sixx are soul mates. Ew, I just thought of them boning. Ugh, oh ew. The pillows and bedsheets have got to be a disgusting mess in the morning.

Here's more of the two herpes infested lovebirds at the Details party last night and at the launch for MAC's Heatherette collection, which I'm totally freaking ecstatic for.

No, I didn't mean that as in New York Giants love, even though they did win the Superbowl against Tom Brady and his Patriots, I meant that in both he and his amazonian supermodel girlfriend Gisele Bundchen are both tall. I swear.

The two were in the NYC for the opening of Ermenegildo Zegna Global Store last night. I swear if there's ever a sex tape I really want to see, it's by these two. Between her accent and his body, I'd be the hottest thing ever.